EMPTY LANES

The lanes in the super-duper swimming pool are mostly empty these days because the nippers are on holidays and there are no swim classes.  So why in the name of Fizzy Pop did the boy join me in a lane for a few ‘up and downs’ when there were empty lanes on either side?  Like why? The lanes are wide but not that wide and he was a fast swimmer – one of the little cunts who keep their head under water and don’t bother with getting out of the way for others.  I just moved lane.  Simpler that way.  A lot of life can be simple if we don’t get caught up in the emotionality of it all.  Meanwhile I now have two cats on the ‘way out‘.  One has a tumour and should have been gone months ago and the little black one has nothing ostensibly wrong with him – ‘it’s just his time‘ said  Mr Vet.  I said this to someone at a party last week and they just laughed in my face.  Sometimes it’s hard not to get caught in the emotionality of that – though I do have a technique – when I remember it in time.  Meanwhile there will be joke telling tonight in Jesters.  Starts at eight and will end at ten when the music upstairs becomes too loud – I have new material plus the material that I will make up on the spot – which even surprises me at times.  No need for Greece this year as the weather here in Eire is just grand – and sure you can read a book in the sun anywhere as long as you have the sun.  I need to buy an apron for a cookery class that I am going to on Saturday – unless I can find the ancient Christmas 2014 001Guinness one and wash and iron it.  It’s modern day vegetarian so should be interesting.  Meanwhile the car is insured without too much pain.  They are shooting a film – I suspect it is a tv advertisement down the road today.  They always use our road because it’s so pretty – like how tv land likes to portray domestic living.  Chat soon.

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EIRE VIA CREWE

That was the tag on the green boxes that ferried the green leaf salads to my local M&S store in the village today.  “Eire via Crewe” – so they were sent on a shipping line across from Holyhead apparently.  I love the name Eire – apart from being the official name of the state it also confuses foreigners when they ask where you are from. And it also reminds me of my own student travels which always commenced on a boat to England followed by a train from Crewe in the middle of the bloody night, followed by a boat to France and onward rail and youthful adventures in Youth Hostels which entailed falling in love with tanned European students with sexy accents .  Followed by long awaited letters with foreign stamps.  No texts or personal phones in those days.   I love confusing people with the name Eire, it shakes them out of their assumptions.  Last night I went to a ‘fabulous party‘ as dear Noel would have said.  It was the Jesters summer party in Sin E and all the great and good of the liberal comedy set were there – we feasted on cold beer and hot pizza and the great conversation between people of many diverse views.   It seems that I can never quite tear myself away from socialising near the Four Courts, which are a stones throw away.  It was in the same vicinity very very many years ago that I frequented the Solicitors Building which was then housed there – to read the minutes of the Solicitors Apprentices Debating Society every Friday night during term time and my term of office – I was the Records Secretary.  I also won the Gold Medal for Oratory.  After the debates we would repair to the Legal Eagle Pub and quaff wine and gossip.  Seems like my social life has never really moved on geographically so to speak.  Although it has in other ways.  Meanwhile Moses, my adored black cat is in an end of life situation.  V. expensive blood test proved that there really is nothing wrong.  “It’s just his time” said Mr Vet.  So we are loving him till the end. One day it’s all our times.  This is a picture of Moses whose time is nearly up.  Doesn’t adequately caputre his gentleness. Warm night. photo0277_001 Chat soon.

Tootle

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A CHAMPAGNE NIGHT

So where else do you gig?” said the lovely young man who had complimented me on my set.  “Well just a couple of places really, like Jesters and Camden Comedy Club”.  “Why don’t you do all the clubs, you’re really brilliant and really really funny”.  “Oh thank you”.  “No really, you should be gigging all over the place”.  “Well maybe because it’s just people like Emily and Chris O’Neill and Seamus Stackpoole who don’t have a problem with giving funny people a chance to air their talent, I really don’t know”.  Then I backed off awkardly because it’s hard to explain to people that when you rock the room why you’re not getting gigs.  I’m not that desperately in need of gigs to be honest and I have enough to keep me ‘stage fit’ – which I need in order to be able to do some of the international gigs that I have been booked for recently.  But the Irish scene can be petty – let’s not mince words here.  I get one gig in the Battle of the Axe every two years – and I think that has even dried up – if I were a self persecuting type I would take it personally – thank God I’m not.  I probably said something to offend someone once – like maybe I said ‘the rain is coming over the mountains’ – no one told me that was offensive – but sure that’s how it works in Eire.  Meanwhile I had a fabbo gig last night in the opening night of the Fabulous Emily O’Callaghan’s Meltdown Comedy in the Crowbar – champagne and wit flowed like a waterfalls in a magic kingdom – which it was.  Today was less sunny – thank God for that – writing could finally be done for the show in the Southern Hemisphere next year.  The child is out and the cats are in.  So apparently is a mouse – cats getting on a bit.  This is a picture of Gonzo’s arse – for some comedy club promoters.photo0739_001 Chat soon.

Tootle

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COME ON EILEEN

So last night in Jesters comedy emporium I did stand up as ‘Eileen from Belfast’ – another of my character ladies.  Eileen is ‘down south‘ for the ‘twalfeth fortnight’ to escape all the marchin and carry on.  However due to the fact that I rocked up at the club with only half a page of written word I had to riff off the other comedians’ material and play to the room as it presented itself.  Thankfully it all went swimmingly and a great night was had by all.  The fact that the joint was heaving despite the footie only added to the gaiety.  So when I arrived home in the ‘des res’ at a late hour, I gave myself a little pat on the back – along with a glass of chilled sauv blanc and a much needed sarni.  Don’t normally give myself any cred – but this time I had done two things simultaneously and hope arises for one’s performance skills in the future – so there.  Meanwhile the glorious weather continues and it’s like being in Greece here – except with my own bed and telly including Netflix and the sheltered ‘des garden‘ where I can tan my bits.  As I write, the calendar fills up delightfully – another gig on Friday – as moi this time, ladies Enneagram night out tomorrow and a Sunday brunch in D4.  Sure why would you go away?  Although one has already – The Netherlands and Portugal so far this year – half work, half holiday.  Now for a trip to the village and a pop in to the local library for some readables.  The simple life is the best says she – but best enjoyed with passion.  Last night on the hot late night street outside the comedy club a man spouted nonsense to me – and I let him – no agreement, no contradiction, no engagement on points of informationDSCN0863 – just presence and a smile.  He wasn’t expecting that!  He was probably expecting the Spanish Inquisition instead. Chat soon.

Tootle

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IN THE GOOD OLD SUMMERTIME

“It’s got air-conditioning” said the enthusiastic young man trying to sell me the ‘Deluxe’ version of the automobile last December.  “Sure what would you need aircon for in this country” I replied.  The other features of the deluxe model were no use to me either, cruise control (I never drive far) and bluetooth (not even sure how that works – although my non-driver son figured it out on a long drive to IKEA).  However the feature that sold me the deluxe model was the alloys – I love alloys – they separate the cars from the toy cars.  Anyway who’s glad she got the one with the air conditioning now?  So cool on the way to the gym – and yes I do go in this weather – it’s also got great air con and cold air blowing out of the treadmills.  Look you don’t get a bod like this from sitting on your ‘stanley’ all day eating cake (rhyming slang ‘stanley tucci’.  Yesterday in the super-duper pool was the last day of swimming classes for the children for this year and they all got presented with a medal with the university logo on it – and a ribbon to wear it around their pampered necks.  Now they will all go away with the notion that you get university medals for just splashing about in the water.  Well good luck with that kids.  In my day they were a little harder to come by – and yes I did get one!  In fact I was the first woman  ever to DSCN0928 (1)win the Incorporated Law Society Gold Medal for Oratory! so not just a pretty face.  Sorry I couldn’t help putting that in – everyone else does the equivalent – and worse on Fuckbook.  Meanwhile in today’s delicious sunshine I will go for a walk in the park – because sometimes life actually is a walk in the park.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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A HOT NIGHT UNDERGROUND

“Do you want a seat?” asked the lovely young man at the back of the comedy club, moving to give me his chair.  “No thanks, I’m grand” I replied meaning it.  Since I left my backache in Portugal last week I no longer need to have a seat – standing is actually fine.  This means a lot more than searching for a seat – it means not adopting a sort of helpless role when in public – albeit subconsciously.  It’s especially helpful if you are due on stage in a few minutes and don’t want to lose cred as a vibrant entertainer.  Aches and pains tend to take away one’s aura of youthfulness.  Anyway I was, playing Eunice, a God-fearing, gun loving tourist from South Carolina – and a ‘social 6’ for my Enneagram chums.  I am using some of my comedy gigs at the moment to find the voices of the nine women that are part of my one woman show to be staged in the Southern Hemisphere next year.  Eunice is worried about the world and turns to God and guns to save us all.  Unlike her fun-loving sister Isabella!  I can’t wait to roll out Eileen – wait till you meet this broad.  Anyway there is nothing like play acting on stage as an adult for a bit of fun on a hot summer night.  Meanwhile this morning I was awoken by a delivery man at the door with a parcel for the youngest.  “Jesus, not more stuff” I exclaimed involuntarily.  “That’s what everyone says” said the man from DFDS.  Now it’s time for a swim in the photo0083super-duper Olympic sized pool.  One way to cool down.  That and writing in a shaded room.  Chat soon.

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A SHITTY START TO THE DAY

Fluffy cute kittens do not stay kittens forever and if they happen to have a long life – then that can lead to medical conditions involving incontinence and bowel obstructions.  Please do not read this blog over your breakfast or you will end up eating as little as I do.  My days usually start with helping the 20 year old one fully evacuating his bowels and cleaning up the vomit of the other 20 year old feline.  This is why plans for carpeting the hall stairs and landing have been put on hold for a while.  Although I have plans to dicky up a bit of the kitchen instead of going to Greece this year.  I simply have had enough of the Greek salads and the vin tres ordinaire that have graced my September sojourns of late. A glorious few days in Amsterdam followed by nine days in Lisbon and it’s environs have more than adequately satisfied my wanderlust for this year.  Although never say never as the man says.  Next year’s plans are however quite stunning and involve a trip to the Southern Hemisphere so one is not enduring lack.  Today writing shall be done and a cat given a bath when the eldest comes home from work and a trip to the village to buy some honey.  DSCN0868 (1)Sometimes it’s the simple things that bring us great joy. By the way this is a Greek cat – my cats have no balls – they were snipped at an early age to prevent a feline population explosion and the spread of feline aids.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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