BREXIT

Well I could say a lot about Brexit.  In facMiss D takes charge 005t I could be wheeled out in the media and shite on about it if my lecturer in ‘The Law of the European Communities’ when I did my Masters in European Law didn’t say that there was no point in covering Article 50 as it was unlikely that it would ever be invoked.  LOL as the Twitter Facebook generation say.  So we didn’t do it and concentrated on European Competition Policy and Product Liability – that’s where the money is after all.  But I didn’t continue in the area of European Law – well I did for 8 and a half years in the University – which is good because it built up me stamps – you need to build up your stamps – you don’t think about this when you’re young –  but believe moi – it’s more important than any fancy degrees – I know.  The other thing you need to do is swim a lot so you will remain thin and fit and not qualify for some horrendous programme on the telly about obese women who smoke too much and who the stern faced frigid ‘telly doctors’ tell that they are in line for a stroke or worse.  The young stern faced doctor looks like she needs a good ‘rattle’ if one were to be totally honest.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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FOREVER WHERE YOU WANT TO BE

Wear loose comfortable clothing” was the imprimatur for an upcoming spiritual weekend in the ‘how to be amazing and have a better life’ genre.  However it left out the word ‘stylish‘ – loose comfy yokes can also be stylish if you have half a mind to do so.  But if you want to go the ‘gypsy Meg in long flowing purple with beads’ route then that’s your choice – and if you want to go the whole hog and add dreadlocks – well don’t sit too close to me – those things are not hygienic.  Jesus may save but he doesn’t carry aerosol flea medicine on him.  It’s certainly not my choice to go the hippy route, so in pursuit of the fashionable leisure outfit – most of which I already have – the “Claudie Pierlot” is already hanging out to dry – I headed into Henry Street of all places.  I also prayed to God that some deranged terrorist on a spiritual journey of his own  would not produce a gun and shoot me down in the Ilac Centre – imagine that as a ‘place of death‘ on one’s final certificate!  The shopping mall was full of chubsters with jeans in sizes

that you wouldn’t even think jeans were made in! Although the TX Maxx there is quite the oasis of calm for some bizarre reason.  I finally got the top I wanted in Forever 21 and yes I know ‘it’s a long way from that age I am’ – however it fits the bill and it’s the right colour – baby blue.  Afterwards I crossed the Liffey and bought a few nice things for tea in M&S before hurrying home on a bus where every single passenger was glued to a small screen – and I mean everyone – no one looked out the window or at another human – how they know where to get off the bus is another question. I don’t know how I ended up with three images here but I know better than to argue with technology – it has a habit of doing it’s own thing – like moi I suppose. Chat soon.

Tootle

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MAMA DAY

A bottle of wine and two boxes of chocolatesphoto0147from the things that I once gave birth to reassures me that I am not fat or alcoholic and that I am loved.  However the fact that I wrote ‘Mother’s Day’ in a thick blue marker on the calendar on the kitchen wall near the AGA with an arrow pointing to March 26th may also have had something to do with such largesse from my children.  The bottle of wine came late in the day so I already decided to buy myself a bottle of Prosecco from Tesco in the village.  They presented me with a white rose as a valued customer – so all in all a good day.  Mr Dreary brought his ma to lunch and she stumbled out of the large car to be greeted by her daughter in law – Mrs Dreary who pretended to enjoy the arrival of her guest.  The assembled cars outside their ‘less than des res‘ later on in the afternoon would suggest that all the other Dreary relatives have been summoned to luncheon – although the lack of dead animal cooking smells suggests a salad buffet.  Thank Christ for that – Mrs D doesn’t know where to stop with the cooking of dead animals and onions – a combination made in hell (or next door in my case).  Today was a Vitamin D day here in Eire and the sheets on the line got dried and my skin got tanned – so not much need for the Chanel Vitalumiere for a while.  Enjoy Mothers Day my chums.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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THE DIET COKE MAN

It was hot and sunny in ‘leafy land’ today and after a brief natural tanning session under the real sun – it’s free and you get Vitamin D – I reluctantly went into my study to continue with the ‘magnus opus’.  Unfortunately I was distracted by the man across the road who was cutting his hedge wearing very little clothing.  A pair of shorts and not much more – I couldn’t help wondering who is going to benefit from his tanned plump middle area.  Men often overestimate the drawing power of tanned bellies.  Men often overestimate a lot of things.  Meanwhile I proceeded to the super duper swimming pool.  Saturday is a rum day at the pool – the last two lanes are rented out to some shower so I am obliged to swim with children who have no concept of ‘the other’ – by this I mean that they have never learnt that there are other people in the world besides themselves.  I was joined in this thought by a man who had just come to live here from Australia.  He had never seen such bad behaviour before and he had lived all over the world.  I ventured my theory that we are not a nation used to leisure centres and the people who have suddenly gained the wealth to be able to use them never picked up ‘manners’ on their ascent to riches.  He agreed totes.  However the children who swim under you and over you and across you today will become the Ministers for Health and whatever the fuck – tomorrow.  God help us all.  The mothers who sit on the seats around the pool are only concerned that their spawn won’t be sexually abused in the swimming pool and that they have coverage for their mobile phones.  Who would want to assault these little fucks in the first place I ask myself – I’ve had two of them swim into my ass today – oh sorry they say. If there’s one way of freaking the little shits and their ‘tiger moms’ out it is to respond to them in an ‘inner city’ Dublin accent – I didn’t take acting classes for nothing!dscn0927 Meanwhile I’m watching Frankie and Grace Season Three on Netflix – brillo scriptwriting and it’s set in a warm and sunny land – holiday voyeurism.  Talking about holidays this is a picture of my foot on a Greek beach last September.  Hopefully the exercise will be reapeated.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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THE WORLD HAS GONE STRANGE

My world started in a small flat with two parents who would sit at the fire after tea and listen to Radio Luxembourg and then I would go to bed.  We had no television – no one had in that north Donegal town back then nor had we a car, very few people did.  And now I find myself suddenly in a world where people drive cars deliberately into people so that they can kill them and it doesn’t matter who the people are or where they are from. And the reason for this makes no sense.  Then to make things even more complicated you cannot give out shit about the people who did this because you would be accused of being a racist and a bad person yourself.  You are meant to understand that the people who drive cars into people had a just reason for doing so – otherwise you are not liberal enough.  Being liberal is what counts apparently – that means you are a good person and beyond reproach.  Meanwhile I see Bill Clinton – who is liberal in every sense of the word – especially in relation to favours performed by Whitehouse interns – talking in a Cathederal today – it is the same Cathederal where I was Christened two days after I was born – small world or what.  We were all Christened early in those days in case we died and went to Limbo.  Today if you ask moi, everyone is in Limbo on account of not being able to say what’s what. So anyway I shall proceed to live on my own terms – watch shite soap operas – although Katy’s continued incarceration in Fair City is becoming annoying to say the least.  I shall drink champagne, write books, lie in the hot sun on a Greek beach in September, chill with friends in Dublin pubs and eat reheated pasta because you can.  Life goes on as it always did – tastes vary but human love and resiliSKYROS 22 005ance remain.  And cats are adorable.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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THE CUNT AND HER DOGS

A glorious day was spent writingphoto0277_001 and after a light breakfast of coffee and buttered toast I commenced work on the magnus opus. There was no time for dressing or fripperies – just writing.  Then around four in the afternoon I noticed a neighbour – an old lady with many canines – dogs, not teeth – pass the ‘des res‘ and encourage her dogs to enter the premises.  The dogs were not on leads – like what they are fucking supposed to be.  The little fuckers ran up the driveway barking – they were probably attracted to my elderly cat who was resting on the doorstep – his doorstep – not theirs – one bite from the fuckers could have finished him off.  I had only seconds to don my robe and run out and shoo them off the premises.  Herself was standing at my gate and said “and there you are in your dressing gown at this time of the day”.  There is of course no answer to this shite so I didn’t even try and invent one.  Meanwhile some shiboolah in London murdered innocent peeps in the name of ‘whatevs’ virgins in Heaven or kudos on Fuckbook – who knows these days.   Though according to the  ‘mush‘ on Fuckbook and Twatter you’re not supposed to say ‘boo‘ in case you’re deemed to be a racist or an islamophobe – well fuck that – the bloke who did this is a bad man – there – I’ve said it – he’s a bad evil cunt – even worse than the woman with her shitting dogs.  I await a telling off from the ‘living saints’ for even saying this Well fuck you too.  On a brighter note the elderly cat did not fall foul of the dog and got smoked salmon for his tea and is now happy.  Animals are sometimes cooler than people.  Tomorrow is near the end of another week and I am thinking of buying shoes.  The answer to all happiness – new shoes.  Chat soon.

Tootle

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I LOVE THE WORLD I’M IN

My friend Berni who reads in the Irish Writers Centre wrote a poem about death which I loved and said so – she said she appreciated that.  The woman who drives with me occasionally on the soap opera said she missed me as I hadn’t been there for a while.  The man who drives on the same soap opera held up all the traffic outside RTE today so that I could exit and turn right against the flow of traffic – he had the balls to do that.  He stayed there in the middle of the road until I came out into the lane I needed to be in. He was a friend of a man who was in my wedding party when I got married. A man who dropped dead in front of his maths class.  Life is short and connected here in Eire.  Another woman on the set worked in the same law firm as moi many moons ago.  The children were also at work today so now we are a tired household who have earned the right to sleep.  I just received an invite to a book launch which involves wine in Hodges Figgis followed by finger food and more in Lillies.  As I said.  I love the world I’m in. Thank you God. dscn0863This is not just orange juice – this is Prosecco and peach juice – otherwise known as a Bellini – which will await me again in the beautiful Greek island of Skyros when I finish my book.  #reasontowrite.com   Chat soon.

 

Tootle

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